anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
