sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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