I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
