Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
