Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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