last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
