no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
