Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
