Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
don't judge my taste in strippers
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
