There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
