i think my mom watched the whole time
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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