I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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