38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
