tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
