theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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