The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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