So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Randomize
