that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
