I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
