Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
