Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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