Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
