I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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