I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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