i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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