I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
