Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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