i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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