is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
