i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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