do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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