You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
