I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
