I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Randomize
