I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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