is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
