Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
