And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
