I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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