you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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