Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
