His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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