Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
