Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
