Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
