Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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