would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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