make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
