saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
