By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize