they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
