You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm both gender and math confused
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
