I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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