Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
