Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
