I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
