Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...