Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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