btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That Theyâ€™ll Regret Forever
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesnâ€™t Understand
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?