What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
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Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
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if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.