Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
