I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.