I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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