I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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