tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
