I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I can't put those talents on a resume
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Randomize