I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
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Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
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HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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