Just fell off a train. Bad.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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