i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
he was CRYING into my vagina
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
