One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
