I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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