will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
