I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
